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APRIL FOOLS: The Brandeis Brief

Published: March 31, 2006
Section: News


Gordie Fellman joins gang
Students and faculty alike were shocked by Professor Gordie Fellmans (SOC) announcement that he has joined a violent local gang.

Yeah, I just woke up one day and thought, what am I doing? Why arent I kicking more ass? Why arent I kicking any ass? said the professor.

For more than 40 years, Fellman has been at Brandeis teaching peace and coexistence, doing activist work in his spare time. Fellman was seen on Monday in camouflage, listening to NWA and kicking frolicking Lemberg children on his way to Pearlman.

Some of his plans now include excessive meat eating, moving his family to Dorchester, and general hooliganism. When asked for a final comment, Fellman hopped in his minivan and said Please excuse me, I have to pick up my kids from day care and grab some organic hummus for dinner. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!