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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

The cling factor

Published: March 31, 2006
Section: Opinions

I have always prided myself on the fact that I am not a girlie girl. Yes, I know Ive stated a few times that I like the color pink and sparkly things and shopping. So in some senses, ok, I am indeed a girlie girl. But I do have one rule that I try to enforce at all times: dont be a clingy girlfriend. To be a clingy girl is, in my opinion, the kiss of death, or at least the kiss of a doomed relationship.

I dont claim to be any type of expert on the topic, but as a girl, I know what my own tendencies are. I can be a very jealous, territorial person. I think that this is probably true of a lot of females. I want my boyfriend all to myself. I want him to be with me twenty-four hours a day. He doesnt need friends. And friends that are female? No way. I want to know what hes doing and why hes doing it. I want him to kiss me good night before I go to sleep. Every night.

Of course, I dont act on these desires. It is fine that I want to be involved in every single aspect of his life down to his laundry detergent. The important part is that I know that these desires are unacceptable, nonrealistic, and slightly crazy. Sure, I have the natural inclination to be the Clingy Girlfriend. All the qualifying elements are there. But I restrain myself from acting on them, because that it is going to get me nowhere, fast.

Do you know a guy whose girlfriend posts on his facebook wall three times a day? Classic example of neediness. Daily messages telling him how much you love him are not, shockingly, true displays of affection. They are calls for attention, perfectly suited for us attention-seekers. But try to resist the urge. Every now and then is fine, but dont plaster his wall space with sappy notes or inside jokes. I know it is tempting, but sometimes they make other people want to throw up, and after a while, he wont think theyre cute, either.

I try hard to give my boyfriend space, and I think that guys appreciate that. Dont tag along to every party he goes to;

dont show up at his room all the time wanting to cuddle when hes playing video games. A little tagging along is ok, cuddling is great. But it is important to keep him in mind. Sometimes guys just like to be guys. As soft as our hair may be and as nice as we may smell, sometimes they just want to sit around and eat pizza and make dumb jokes about sex and boobs. Period.

This is my tactic. Some girls out there might prefer to whip their men straight out.

But I think the situation calls for us chicks to ease up a little. Weve got to tone down the cling factor so they dont resent us for it down the road. Theyll love you for it, so much in fact that, if you have to be needy every now and then, theyll gladly let you cling away.