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APRIL FOOLS: Socially active students: priority in housing lottery

Published: March 31, 2006
Section: News


The Department of Residence Life has announced major reforms in the Housing Lottery system. Due to the vast amount of complaining among the student body, Residence Life will now give students with the most friends on the social networking site The Facebook priority in selecting their housing.

Most students have vocalized their distaste for how random the old system was in determining their new homes. The new system will eliminate this problem, according to Res Life.

Our new housing lottery system will be beneficial because it will give on campus housing to the people who need it the most, our more socially concerned and active community. These people have already shown they have been active in the community, and have established many connections that we deem as an integral part of our Universities code of ethics, declared Residence Life director Maggie Balch.

Residence Life also maintains that it will keep the quieter, reserved students where they belong– off campus. If you havent got any Facebook friends, it obviously means youd like a single and it shouldnt matter if youre living in the Villageor in Siberia, said another official.

Some students have emphasized their dissatisfaction with the change in the system. Im not even on the Facebook as of right now. Im either going to have to join and start befriending everyone or hope for the worst of the waitlist. My own theory is that Carl and Ruth Shapiro struck some sort of financial deal with the site, said Beck Holden 08. The new reform has divided these non-Facebook users against the rest of the campus, as Holden then proceeded to join the Facebook and create an anti- Facebook group, I sold my soul to Facebook and all I got was this Lousy Lottery Number. Adding insult to injury, Holden was then poked by 432 students.

Residence Life has also stated it will take other factors into effect besides amount of Facebook friends. Were also going to factor in wall posts, number of times being poked, number of clubs joined, and how up to date each students social timeline is, heck even how many photos the student has been tagged in will become a factor. Also, spring break plans and summer break plans might be factored in. If student A is sitting at home and working for minimum wage while student B is writing for the New York Times, who do you think were going to give priority? These other aspects are almost as important as the number of Facebook friends each student has.

As a result of this, Facebook usage has shot up 500 percent. Maybe they should have modeled the SAF reform on our plan. Itd certainly cut out the clubs that no one is in, and then wed be funding important groups like Im Not a Player, I Just Crush A lot, Balch commented.