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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

You Know We’re Right: Strippergram violates roomie relations and Rights and Responsibilities

Published: October 13, 2011
Section: Features

Dear Leah and Morgan,

Now, I am not the type of girl to seek out situations with naked men. Therefore you can understand my shock and horror when my friends hired me a strippergram for my birthday. I quite hastily slammed my door on the man and insisted he go away, even after he argued that he had already been paid. In retrospect, I fear I may have been hasty and hurt his feelings. Please help me! What is the proper etiquette for sending away a strippergram without making him feel lousy?


Still Blushing

Dear Blushing,

To be perfectly honest, neither of us have ever dealt with a situation quite like this, so we can’t empathize, but we certainly sympathize. We understand the complexity of this issue and we’re sorry you had to deal with it!

Shock and Awe

The first problem you faced was your surprise when he came to your door. When confronted with a new situation with no time to prepare or compose yourself, you understandably didn’t know how to react. It’s doubtful that he was expecting you to immediately throw yourself at him, so he probably wasn’t hurt or upset by your initial reaction.

Following up

Once you recovered from the initial shock, however, you probably could have responded more positively. Slamming the door in his face might not have been your most mature option and it may have been easier to say that you simply weren’t interested.

What was he thinking?

While there’s no way to know for sure, we can hazard a guess. As a male stripper, he’s likely used to social stigmas. If he doesn’t go into every job expecting customers to have expectations or preconceived notions, he’s crazy. He’s surely dealt with hesitant customers but, that said, he was probably surprised by your abrupt response. We doubt he was confused by it though.

He may have been offended but he should have gone into the job knowing the possible reactions.

What should you have done? (Or what to do next time …)

Turns out you did the right thing! According to section 10.10 of the Rights and Responsibilities handbook, “Visitors and guests are permitted in the residence halls, provided that consideration is given to the rights of all licensees. Should a roommate, suite-mate, or apartment mate have any objection to any guest’s proposed visit to the multiple-occupancy assignment, those objections must first be mediated before the guest may be welcomed.”

You clearly weren’t warned, much less comfortable with the so-called guest. There’s nothing wrong with that! Opening the door and finding a naked man would be startling to anyone.

If you’re concerned about the stripper’s feelings, you probably shouldn’t report him … which would be difficult anyway since you don’t know his name. You don’t have to report your suitemates to Director of Student Rights and Community Standards Dean Gendron, but you might want to make it clear that he wasn’t exactly your cup of tea.

Better luck next time!

Peace, Love and Great Advice,

Leah and Morgan

Have questions that you want answered by the lovely ladies of The Hoot? Submit your questions to or at! They will be answered by Leah Finkelman ’13, Features Editor, and Morgan Gross ’14, Impressions Editor. We’re so excited to hear your questions!