Advertise - Print Edition

Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

Brimming with love of the glove

Published: September 29, 2006
Section: Arts, Etc.

Why does SSIS sell latex gloves? What do they have to do with sex?

While talk of sex usually focuses on the genitalia, we must not forget the most adaptable, playful, stimulating, and sensual organs of all: our hands. No matter what type of sex you enjoy, be it penetrative, oral, with multiple partners, or by yourself, your hands play a role in play. Dont they deserve the same protection and eroticization afforded to other sexual organs?

It can be confusing to understand why hands need to be protected the same way as genitalia. I mean, hands dont get pregnant, right? You dont usually hear of people coming down with hand herpes. Still, there are certain risks involved in digital play that may not be so obvious.

We remember that not all STDs are transmitted through sexual fluids. Some are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact and others through blood. Hands do not ejaculate, but they do have skin and blood. Are you a cuticle biter? Paper cuts? Open cuts on your fingers provide a way for STDs like HIV to get through.

As for the skin-to-skin offenders (herpes and HPV, or genital warts,), they may not infect your hands, per say, but if you were to touch both yourself and your partner, your wandering hands could be spreading wandering viruses.

Gloves add a huge convenience and comfort factor. For example, it lessens the damage done by sharp fingernails. Not only are fingernails painful, but scratches create micro-abrasions through which STDs can pass. Gloves can also keep your hands slime-free when youre using lube. Instead of stopping the action to get a towel, just slip off the glove!

But wearing gloves isnt just about protecting ourselves from STDs. Its also about keeping our delicate parts clean and healthy. Sex isnt always mano a mano. Sometimes its mano a mouth, or mano a vagina. There is always more than one erogenous zone to play with, but we dont want them sharing fluids or bacteria. Lets face it, spreading bacteria from the anus to the vagina or head of the penis is a very common problem that can cause some very serious infections. Also, bacteria just loves to collect underneath your fingernails.

Some folks avoid anal play because they do not wish to touch anything dirty, but gloves present a safe, clean, way around the ick factor. Gloves give us the freedom to explore whatever orifice we desire. Just switch gloves for each zone, and youre set. And at SSIS prices, you can afford to go all night.

Another interesting advantage to gloves is that they open the door for foodplay. The oils, sugars, and other chemicals in food are NOT supposed to go in vaginas, and probably should be kept away from other orifices and sensitive membranes as well. Not only do they cause infections and yeast imbalances, but the oils break down latex, rendering most safer sex products useless.

Even if you are using whipped cream on the upperbody, the oils are still on your hands. This used to mean stopping to wash your hands before you touched your partner. With gloves, just rip off the used ones and get to it!

Now, I know what some of you must be thinking. Gloves? So not sexy! Heres where we at SSIS beg to differ. Remember that scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton interrupts Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter mid-screw? Where Brad opens the door wearing nothing but yellow dishwashing gloves? And he snaps one down over his wrist as he turns back to Helena? I dont care what youre into, that scene is hot.

Besides, SSIS isnt asking you to get excited over standard latex examination gloves. We now carry Black Dragon latex gloves (you guessed it- theyre black) and Purple Passion nitrile gloves (yes purple). Both are powder-free, of course. These arent your average vinyl food-preparation gloves, folks. (Of course, we have those too, if Aramark really does it for you.)

What Im trying to say is that these gloves are sexy. Lately, I have taken to wearing them around the office. They can turn even the most mundane chores into a sexual experience. Plus, gloves give you a great excuse to try out some fantasy play. Excuse me, nurse? I have an itch.

But there is more to gloves than using them as gloves. For example, you could cut off the fingers to make sexy finger-cots. Or, if you cut off all the fingers, then cut up along the side that is opposite the thumb, you are left with a very exciting dental dam – complete with a spot for your tongue to do some probing. And if you are feeling really crafty, try tying end of the thumb in a knot, then push the knot around with your tongue for extra stimulation. Dont forget to experiment with lube and flavored lube!

Your hands do a lot, and so do gloves. The possibilities are endless;

be creative. Protect yourself and your partner(s), and give some well-deserved attention to those hands!