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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

Learn to take relationship hints

Published: October 12, 2012
Section: Opinions

I recently decided to watch a romantic comedy that would preach to the logical side of my romantic self. I chose “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I figured it would bring me back to reality by showing me that sometimes things don’t work out. This movie, however, only reinforced the unrealistic ideas that most romantic comedies present.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” is adorable. Naturally my heart was singing at the end because (spoiler alert) each woman ends up with the guy she wants, or free from the guy she doesn’t need. But life isn’t always like that, especially in college. Sometimes you don’t end up with the person you want and sometimes we can’t let go of the person that is emotionally toxic for us.

Though this movie didn’t help me achieve the emotional nirvana my soul was searching for, it left me with much to think about. The most important being that if a guy is really into you, he’ll do pretty much whatever it takes to show you.

Truth is, we should all determine our expectations regarding what we consider to be a genuine and sincere expression of interest. While at Brandeis I’ve noticed several different situations in which people pursuing relationships get stuck in one of two ways: In one, when it comes to pursuing a relationship, people have unrealistic expectations of what is means to do “whatever it takes.” Or in another situation, a girl or guy finds someone he or she is interested in, who expresses only slight interest in him or her. This allows them to meet a lower set of expectations.

As a self-proclaimed sap, I know that sometimes I allow the romantic movies that I repeatedly watch inform me of how the guys in my life should act. But despite my occasional desire to have someone kiss me passionately in the rain, or read me a deep love poem in a smoky nightclub, I usually have pretty reasonable ideas of what I expect someone to do when they express a genuine interest.

Everyone has different ideas of what it means to do “whatever it takes” to show a sincere interest in someone. If you have someone showing genuine interest in you and you feel that what they’re doing is lacking slightly, maybe you need to put in work to bridge the gap between what you’re getting and what you want.

Sometimes, if you want to be asked on a date, you have to be willing to ask. Or you have to be willing to have an uncomfortable, but important, conversation with your person of interest. If you have these conversations or work to bridge the gap between your expectations, and they still put in little effort, it might be a situation with which you need to forget. This is because they might not be ready to accept what you’re willing to give or give what you want to receive.