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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

Futile Ramblings: Don’t be ‘that guy’

Published: January 18, 2008
Section: Opinions

By now, I think everyone is familiar with the saying, “don’t be that guy.” We all know our fair share of people who are repeated “that guy” offenders. People who just always seem to do or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. The following is a list of “that guy” delinquents who bother me the most:

-The guy who over-participates in class to the point where the teacher asks the class if anyone else other than Daniel has something to say. This is usually the same guy who wouldn’t participate in high-school gym class because he was allergic to girls.

-The guy who spends hours per day in the bathroom checking himself out while gelling his hair, just to bring back no ladies night after night.

-The guy who plays on the school sports team just so he can boast to his friends from home that he is a collegiate athlete. This guy has no chance of ever playing a meaningful minute in any game and he typically refers to himself as the team spark plug despite the fact that most of the team has forgotten that he exists.

-The guy who counts every quarter that his friends owe him. Listen, nobody likes a cheap guy who tries to steal nickels from his friends.

-The guy who neglects to hang out with his friends after he finds a girlfriend. This guy is usually so head over heals for this girl that he forgets that when this girl dumps him, which she almost certainly will, he will literally have nobody left to hang out with.

-The guy who every girl on campus knows because of how poorly he has treated their friends. If you go to Brandeis, this guy’s name probably starts with a B…

-The guy who brags about how good the sports teams are that he cheers for, as if he has something to do with it. Now I have no problem with people who love to cheer for their favorite sports teams but when your team wins, don’t rub it in the faces of everyone who doesn’t cheer for your team.

-The guy who brags about how hot the girl was he hooked up with last night because she either a) doesn’t exist or b) was not good looking at all but nobody will ever know for certain because nobody ever saw her.

-The guy who gets drunk at parties and then proceeds to tell everyone to punch him as hard as they can. Not only is this embarrassing in itself, but it also doesn’t score big points with members of the opposite sex.

-The guy who can’t take a joke about himself but loves to make fun of other people. If you are going to make fun of other people you have to be willing to accept the inevitable consequences.

-The guy who gets excited every Friday because The Hoot is released and he wants to read his own article. This guy is most likely 5’11, handsome, brown hair and blue eyes and his aim screen name is probably christheladiesman…