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Crazy, sexy, coOL

Published: August 31, 2007
Section: Opinions


Is something wrong with the OLs? I used to wonder this. They are always so excited. It must be artificial.

At the same time though, one of the things I look forward to every year is seeing these new faces and making eye contact with 800 new people every year. Without these new faces every year, Brandeis really would suck.

I swear the OLs are off though- Jump, shake your booty. Jump jump and you just moved a little bit in your chair. They may be crazy, but they do a great job. Lets give it up for those 6am warriors;

and if you run past my dorm at that ungodly hour one more time Ill call you a racist.

If a first year asked you where a building was, would you tell them? Yes. What about if you were asked when a dining hall opens? Sure. Which classes and professors are the best? You would answer them in a second — you might even feel flattered that they asked you. Could you carry my things up to my 3rd floor dorm at 7 am when my parents drop me off at Brandeis? No hablo ingles.

And do you remember that they act in an academic integrity skit? Do you remember the one from your first year: Will little Timmy use the paper on his roommates computer or stay up all night writing his own? Now, try reading that sentence again with a straight face.

This excitement has got to be fake. I want to sit in on an OL training session just to see which brainwashing technique the Brandeis Administration prefers.

And what about the OLs who dont make it through training? The Lost Ones, or LOs as I like to call them. They probably tripped on the second Jump and couldnt get up. Or maybe they were too close to a blow horn and lost their hearing;

they are still waiting for the CLAP ONCE IF YOU CAN HEAR ME COMMAND command.

I met an LO the other day. Special guy — he had customized blue and white Massell Quad sox, a nametag the size of a TV, and Deis Fo Life bandanna. We had a riveting conversation: Get a real Job. And then I walked away.

Turns out I made a good impression on the guy. We now have an excellent Student Union Treasurer and that Bluetooth makes him look like a rock star.

OLs are cool.