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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

The eight types of people who really bother me at the gym

Published: October 5, 2007
Section: Opinions

Now I can appreciate anyone who likes going down to the gym to get a good, honest workout in before they begin their studies. But sometimes the people that I see at Gosman Sports Complex really get under my skin for a variety of reasons. Here are the eight types of people who I have no use for when it comes to how they spend their time at the gym.

1. The guy who walks around the weight room with his protein shake. Is this really necessary? You cant wait until you get back to your dorm room or at least until you get to the locker room to consume that repulsive-looking beverage? Believe it or not, girls really dont care that you devour an abundance of protein on a daily basis, pal.

2. The girl who works out for an hour on the elliptical and acts like she just completed a marathon. She boasts to everyone she knows about this extremely feasible feat and she actually thinks that an hour on the elliptical is harder than running for an hour because it allegedly burns more calories. Well I got news for you, girl who can work out for an hour on the elliptical. I once saw a 300 pound man workout for two hours on the elliptical, so when you can do that, then come talk to me.

3. The guy who grunts every time he lifts a weight just because he is lifting a lot of weight and wants everyone to notice him. These are usually the guys who have done a couple of cycles of steroids and think that they are capable of entering the worlds strongest man competition. Listen, buddy, we all know that you are all roided up, so dont try to pretend that you are naturally lifting all that weight. We arent idiots. At least most of us arent.

4. The guy who goes to the gym to workout for 20 minutes on the elliptical. Why even come to the gym? Not only is being a guy and hopping on the elliptical embarrassing in itself, but that girl over there just went for an hour on that very same machine. She completely showed you up and she is about to let you hear all about it. One way to detect a guy like this is by noticing what type of car he drives. There is a good chance it will be a Passat.

5. The people who go to the gym in early January because they made a New Years resolution that they were going to get in shape this year. They end up taking up a lot of space, which ultimately bothers all of the people who actually want to be at the gym and they typically end up disappearing well before the month of February. Why even come to the gym in the first place? The thing that is the worst about this type of person is that they do in fact take up a lot of space because there is an abundance of them and because they are usually not in good shape, which is why they made the resolution in the first place.

6. The guy who comes back from the gym and has to tell you about his new workout routine and how much weight he lifted today. Listen, nobody really cares that you curled 50 pound dumbbells because youre on a new bis and tris program, so just keep it to yourself. This is usually the same guy who likes to tell you all about his most recent Madden season and how Ladainian Tomlinson rushed for 534 yards in his last game.

7. The person who comes up to you and says, are you using those weights right now? when you are clearly using those weights right now. I cant tell you how many times I will be resting in between sets and some clown will come over to me and ask me if I am using the weights that have been resting in my hands for the past couple of minutes. Are you kidding me? Listen, you will know when I am done with the weights because I will put them back on the rack like everyone else does when they are done with them. You know what? Come to think of it, I think I just might need to use these weights for my next set of exercises as well, so you can leave me alone now.

8. The girl who can squat more weight than I can. Stop embarrassing me. There is just no need for you to be that strong.

Well, if you fall under any of these categories, then I strongly suggest that you alter your workout habits because you are likely offending more people than just me and at the very least, I would be extremely grateful.