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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

Brandeis Intramural Flag Football:

Published: October 12, 2007
Section: Opinions

With the intramural flag football season just around the corner, there has been a lot of buzz going around campus about the newest teams to enter the league, the latest transactions that have taken place since the end of last season, and which teams people think have positioned themselves for an opportunity to take home the title. This avid excitement that has currently infested our beloved campus, is something that will be prevalent up until the end of the season. Personally, I have found that I cant even browse through the Jewish Studies section in the library without hearing someone chatting about the most recent gossip with regards to the flag football season. This is why I encourage everyone who is enrolled at Brandeis to either join a current team or create their own team and enter this prestigious league as soon as possible. It will be an experience you will never forget and you can thank me for telling you this later.

Now, if you are in fact planning on taking my advice about entering the intramural flag football league, there are some things you should know. First, intramural flag football at Brandeis University produces the most competitive athletic events that occur on campus. This declaration is coming from someone who has been a member of both the varsity baseball and indoor track teams. Flag football is where the real athletes are able to separate themselves from the posers. If you dont have trouble getting out of bed and walking the following morning after a big game, then dont even bother showing up to the field the subsequent week because this is the type of effort and selflessness that is necessary to compete in this league. Intramural flag football is all about self-sacrifice and you can only thrive if you are willing to forgo every limb in your body just to gain an extra yard.

Since I am a wise and astute senior, I have finally come to the realization that the best way to determine whether or not someone is a legitimate athlete here at Brandeis is by seeing whether or not there wardrobe possesses a T-Shirt that proclaims them as a Brandeis intramural flag football champion. If it doesnt, then they are probably not someone you want to associate yourself with and if it does, make sure to befriend this person as quickly as possible because these are the type of people you want to be friends with.

Take this next piece of advice from someone who has already lived the dream: Nothing, beats the feeling of throwing on that old school Steve McNair Houston Oilers jersey and heading down to the field for the big flag football game of the week. Nothing. Now for all of you Michael Vick fans out there, if Vicks jersey is the only one you own, please do not disrespect the league by showing up in it. This also goes for all of you who own jerseys of O.J. Simpson, Lawrence Taylor, Michael Irvin, Pacman Jones and Ricky Williams. Every student enrolled at Brandeis should also experience the wonderful sensation of stiff arming your suite-mate for a thirty yard touchdown run and following this stimulating feat by emulating a Terrell Owens touchdown dance.

With regards to designing your team, you can choose to go down one of two paths: playing with your friends for fun or playing with whoever will help your team win because all you really care about is winning this highly coveted title. Personally, winning has always been more important to me than building friendships, so I would suggest taking a shot at the title and playing with a random group of people who are more athletic than the people that you typically hang out with. Unfortunately for me, last season my team had conflicting opinions about which path to choose, so we came up short in our quest for the championship. We had players on our squad who were only concerned with posting how many sacks they had in their last game on facebook so that they could impress the lady populace instead of worrying about the outcome of the actual game. This upcoming season, I fear that my team from last season is going to choose to go down the lets accommodate all of our friends because intramural flag football should be played purely for fun path again, which is why I am currently seeking my free agent options. So if you are reading this article and your current team is seeking a handsome, 511 quarterback with a cannon arm who can run a 6.6 second 60 yard dash time, call 978 460-0109 and speak to my agent, Scott. His last name is Boras, you might have heard of him.