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Mondays, am I right? Actually, when you’re reading this it will be a Friday, but the sentiment remains—sometimes you’re tired and stressed and you want your weekly Hoot articles condensed. Who has time to read an entire paragraph when Brandeis doesn’t even give us a spring break? Well, I feel you, gentle readers. I present to you this installment of The Point in convenient list form.

1. Laughing at perverts on the Internet is fun, but quit while you’re ahead. After you and your friends find that hilarious Craig’s List posting, just close the browser and do something else. You are dangerously close to finding a video of some Buffalo-Bill-esque sicko in a latex mask and creeping yourself out for the rest of the evening.

2. Big ups to the library for buying those comfortable orange chairs. I nap there all the time.

3. I get that America is kind of evil, but I’m kind of tired of having to nod and agree with uppity foreigners who think that all of America is Alabama and want to talk to you about Bush. Newsflash, champ: you’re in Boston and you’re preaching to the choir. Also, it’s not like your country has never done anything bad. Need I remind you of the Stamp Act?

4. I think Brandeis’ campus would be greatly enhanced if they brought in more animals. There’s that one little white dog that always runs around and, yes, he is cute. But at the risk of sounding like a bad stand-up comedian, I just really like the idea of walking to class and seeing monkeys or some kind of big cat.

5. Did you know it cost the school $50,000 to bring Third Eye Blind as the spring concert? That’s approximately the same amount as tuition for a year. I know that the school splits my tuition money according to its needs—some of it goes to pay faculty, some goes for renovations, etc.—but part of me secretly hopes that, this year, they just used all of it to pay for Third Eye Blind. Then it would be Emma Needleman Presents Third Eye Blind. And I still wouldn’t pay the eight bucks to go see them. Hey-o!

That’s all, folks. I hope you guys have some fun this weekend, but chances are, you’ll probably just sit around in sweatpants, making elaborate flashcards and whining to your roommates. I’m just kidding. I know at least 15 percent of you are going to have a loud party and wind up damaging something that belongs to me. I hate it here sometimes.