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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

Sexcapades: Keeping it simple

Published: March 5, 2010
Section: Opinions

The first time with a new guy is always awkward, no matter how amazing it ends up. This becomes even more important to think about considering that in college, a lot of hook-ups only happen once or twice and may not always be with someone you even know well as a friend. Figuring out how to make it memorable, at least at a basic level, can make all the difference.

Even if it’s bound to stay a one-night stand, you want to have a good time, and presumably want to make sure the guy’s going to have a good time too. If it’s a new guy, then it’s even more important both of you have a good time and are comfortable.

First things first, take it slow. Foreplay is important in the process. The longer you drag it out over the course of the night, the better the sex will be. In Rome last year, I met up with an old friend and we were flirting at the beginning of the night. By the time we made it to the club, we were dancing and making out, and discussing the possibilities for the rest of the night. Eventually, we decided it would be better to go back to his hotel room than take him back to the apartment where I was staying with another friend. The whole way back to the hotel, we were practically bursting to take each other’s clothes off. By the time we made it to his room, we were both too excited for the sex to be bad.

All too often, first-time sex with a new partner is planned out. We all know someone who has said “not until the third date, ”or “Thursday’s the day,” but the truth is one of the best things about sex is urgency and spontaneity. Often, spontaneity is mistaken as sex that is unplanned or foolhardy.  But there’s nothing wrong with discussing our comfort zones, what we like, and what we don’t like, with our partners (even if they’re only there for the night) without planning out the exact date and time of fornication. Being completely comfortable with a new partner is the surest way to make sure that the first time will be good, not planning out the minutiae.

Think of the first time as a stepping-stone. If you’re planning on sticking around long enough to hook up again, then don’t worry if the first time isn’t perfect, it just has to be good and fun. No matter how good the first time is, you always want it to get better, an uphill slope. So lower your expectations, and make the point having fun, not necessarily getting each other off. There’s no way you can know another person’s body and likes the first time around.  If you take your time, and calm down, you can definitely enjoy yourself and get to know your partner a little bit better.

Keep things simple. The first time doesn’t have to be a show of everything you’ve done or know how to do, nor will it require a copy of the Kama Sutra. More than two positions the first time is probably excessive. It’s hard to be comfortable if you’re constantly changing positions, and if you don’t know how you fit together, switching can be complicated.

First times are stressful enough. It’s important to make them as easy as possible. Use contraception and just let things happen. The more comfortable you are with one another, the easier things will be. But try to make the first time as pressure-free as possible and just enjoy.