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Sexcapades: Lubricating new possibilities

Published: April 16, 2010
Section: Opinions


Lube is the great equalizer. Not all women get equally wet in every situation, and sometimes the circumstances mean that a normally wet woman is dry. But lube, that great invention, means it doesn’t matter.

Lube takes good sex and makes it better, but the best part is it takes great sex and makes it amazing. It works well with condoms, without condoms, for handjobs, sex, oral, you name it. It takes away the pressure that sometimes comes with sex—can you get wet enough fast enough, and stay that way long enough?

But you may run into problems introducing it sometimes. If it’s your first time sleeping with your partner, or you don’t yet know each other well, the introduction of lube could be construed as an indication that you have a lot of sexual experience, or that you have trouble getting wet, that you’re not horny, or any number of other possibilities (who knows what goes on in guys’ heads?). So the key then is to introduce it in such a way that the guy thinks it’s an awesome idea, or better yet, HIS idea.

Some, like myself, might be fortunate. Until recently, I had never been the one to introduce lube into the bedroom. My boyfriend of about 8 months suggested it one night after a particularly long and rowdy fight about the fact that it was no longer easy for me to get wet after a long night of drinking. It changed our sex life. After a week, we’d moved it to part of our normal kit, for use every night. Later, during my sophomore year, a grad student I was hooking up with asked if I had ever used lube. The one he wanted to use was tingly, and definitely fun.

In a relationship, it’s always easier to introduce new pieces to the sex puzzle. Do we want to use toys, lube, tie each other up, stop using condoms? These are discussions that over time become easier, because sexually, and emotionally, you are (hopefully) comfortable with the person you’re dating. However, introducing additions to a hook up can be a little trickier. If it’s the first time, you may not know a lot about the person, or their past, and may not know how to approach the question, or how they will respond. If it’s a constant, but casual, hookup, you may only be able to introduce extras within the bounds of your own room, because if you’re also hooking up with either people, you can’t keep your bottle of lube at his house.

Also, some hookups are freer than others. Sometimes a hookup is an outlet to experiment more, but sometimes it’s just the opposite. It’s just plain old sex. Knowing how to introduce lube also depends on who you are. Obviously, I’m fairly comfortable discussing sex, and so you would think it wouldn’t be hard for me to bring up my wants and needs, or the idea of adding lube to the repertoire, but it’s certainly not easy. Talking about sex in the abstract is one thing, talking about the here-and-now is quite another.

Only do what you feel comfortable with, and what you think will be received well by your partner (although I doubt the intelligence of hooking up with someone who won’t want to use lube). Maybe start by including a few of those little packets Student Sexuality Information Services puts in your mailbox along with the condoms. That way, they’re there, but not necessarily overt. Or if you’re hooking up at your place, you could say something like, “You know, I just got some new lube I’d love to try out.”

Lube can be used to make any sexual act better. SSIS is well stocked with a variety of lubes for different uses, and different needs, but whatever you’re looking for, they’ve probably got it. However you manage to introduce lube, good for you. If you’ve never experienced the joys, you should definitely get on it.