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Sexcapades: Brandeis guys, make yourselves available!

Published: October 8, 2010
Section: Opinions


GRAPHIC BY Leah Lefkowitz/The Hoot

For those of you who are (relatively) new to ‘Deis, you may not have noticed that there are suddenly like A MILLION hot guys wandering around on campus. Where did they come from and where are they going?

I’ve heard mixed reviews: some friends haven’t noticed any changes, whereas other friends are flummoxed by the appearance of attractive and (hopefully) eligible men on campus. The real question is: why did it take ‘Deis until our senior year to bring in all the hotties?

Technically, I’m pretty sure it would be illegal for me to hook up with a quarter or so of the first-year boys, which isn’t really fair given that, in my memory, my first-year class looked nothing like this one.

I don’t mean to say there weren’t hotties before, but there just seem to be more of them these days (and honestly, they’re hotter than usual).

I have a weird schedule this semester, taking a lot of classes in departments I’ve never been involved with before, as well as a lot of intro classes, which obviously means new faces and lots of first-years.

Looking around the classrooms during the first few days of classes, I was astounded to realize how few people I knew, but also how many attractive people there are (I won’t discriminate, the women have been getting hotter every year too, I just don’t pay as much attention).

My friends and I were joking recently about how easy it is to narrow down the pool.

We figure about 30 percent of guys we’d want to hook up with have girlfriends, making them out-of-bounds.

Additionally, 5 to 15 percent of them are Orthodox, which discounts them because, well, we want to have sex.

Probably 5 to 20 percent are too young for it to be fun, practical or legal.

All told, that means that at a minimum, 40 percent of the cuties we see are off limits, while on the high end, it could be as many as 65 percent. That seems to me to be cutting it pretty close.

So what do we do? Obviously, I am not quite in the same boat as some of my friends: I know who I’m coming home to at the end of the night.

But I can definitely identify with the act of seeking out a sexual or romantic partner in classes, the library, Usdan, and at parties.

We may need to cut another 10 percent out of the pool for guys who don’t return our affection, and still another 5 percent for guys who either can’t or won’t hook up with a girl older than them.

So here’s what I’m really saying: Recognize the amazing wealth of choices that have suddenly appeared on campus and enjoy them. Make a move. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Also, guys, make yourselves available! We’re here and we want to get to know you, but not all of us are ballsy enough to make the first move.