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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

Sexcapades: Heading south, part two

Published: October 22, 2010
Section: Opinions

This week seems like the perfect time to discuss the other side of last week’s coin: the blow job. Some of you may have made it to Student Sexuality Information Services’ (SSIS) male-bodied pleasure talk on Wednesday (the female-bodied version, usually held in the spring, is one of my favorite events of the year), and might know a secret or two that I don’t, but that doesn’t mean the discussion is over.

Not all men want the same thing. For the most part, there are a few flick and lick tricks that are universally well accepted, but like women, every man needs attention in a different place, at a different speed, with a different type of pressure. It can be daunting to make the foray into the jungle (hopefully it’s not too much of a forest down there), especially if it’s a new guy or you don’t have much experience, however, it can be quite enjoyable.

The first thing I’ll say is LUBE LUBE LUBE! No, it’s not a hand job, or sex, but what if your lips or mouth get dry?

I’m a big Chapstick person: at any given time I probably have 10 or 15 floating around, and yet my lips always seem to be dry. I always make sure to put on Chapstick before bed, and I keep a glass of water next to my bed.

Both of these help, but I’ve also recently introduced flavoured lube to my repertoire. I’ve become a big fan of lube in college and have discovered that it can provide all kinds of joy, and enhance even the littlest things. Until now I had avoided flavours. SSIS has these great new glycerin-free ones (which means you can go from oral play to penetration without too much of a worry) in flavours like sour green apple, and I’ve taken up the cause with gusto. Lube helps by reducing friction and making oral sex more comfortable and easier. Additionally, you can lube up your hand to give you more control, and your guy more contact.

Like going down on a girl, giving head is mostly about enjoyability. (Most) guys won’t really enjoy themselves if they know you’re unhappy providing the service. Sticking to what you’re comfortable with is a key to making sure you both enjoy it. If you’re gagging or struggling, it probably doesn’t even feel that good for the guy anyway. Don’t feel pressure from porn stars, or from your guy. I’m a proponent of the no-hand-on-the-head rule. When a guy starts pushing my head down in a way that I’m not OK with, I ask them if they’d like me to stop, because if I’m not in control, then I can’t enjoy it.

Like with anything else in sex, it’s important to know what you can do. If you’re not flexible, you shouldn’t be trying too much of the kama sutra, and if you’re inexperienced giving head, you shouldn’t be pushing yourself beyond what you’re comfortable with. Making sure your partner knows what the boundaries are is particularly important, because once you’re down there, it’s pretty hard to communicate.