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Brandeis University's Community Newspaper — Waltham, Mass.

The weekly glutton: hole-y Einsteins!

Published: February 11, 2011
Section: Arts, Etc.

Let’s talk about an oasis on a campus otherwise devoid of … bagels? The belly of the Shapiro Campus Center houses Einstein Bros. Bagels. Many Brandeisians frequent this throbbing center of social activity for their daily cup(s) of coffee or for a food that is quitessentially Jewish: the bagel.

A bagel is a questionable food for the glutton. Why is there a hole in the center? Where’d the rest of it go? These are all valid questions that a glutton might have, but they will have to remain unanswered because, from the moment you take a bite out of that hole-y piece of bread slathered in “schmear,” you forget about the hole. The experience is too great for words.

Bagels aside, Einsteins also has a variety of salads. There are only three, but each one is a masterpiece in its own right, with each being extraordinarily delicious. We get the salads not so much for the lettuce, but for the cheese, croutons and dressing, all of which contain a necessary amount of protein and carbs.

Also of note are the sandwiches and wraps. We like the turkey sandwiches when we’re trying to cut back on calories, but the chicken Caesar wrap is definitely a favorite. It’s like a salad … to go. The veggie wrap is also enjoyable and especially good to have when you’re worried that the smell of tuna on your breath may scare off all those on-campus cuties. Now that you have a good idea of that, let’s move on.

As you go down the line, you see the baked goods that are so bad for you yet so good to eat. There’s the strawberry white chocolate muffin, the blueberry muffin, the mixed berry coffee cake, the chocolate chip coffee cake and the cinnamon twist. These are all such delicious snacks that it’s difficult to choose which one to get. We think that you should eat them on a rotating schedule. The baked goods and coffee go together like peanut butter and jelly, or bagels and shmear, or peanut butter on bagels—whatever happens to be your cup of tea.

Coffee is always available and scalding hot. There are four flavors, but the general consensus is that the hazelnut is the best one.

If coffee makes you too jittery, go for tea. They usually have at least one type out. But beware, your taste buds may be burned to a crisp. This is not a drink for the weak of tongue.

Despite all the flowery assorted foods to be found at Einsteins, the bagel is always going to be Brandeis’ biggest mystery. Where do the holes go? We leave you to ponder that over your bagel and coffee and wish you a happy and gluttony-filled week.

Always remember: Gluttons are better prepared for snow-storms.

(More layers!)